What Doesn't Challenge You...

(5-7 min read)

The Realization...

In my workout this morning, the trainer made a statement that was so profound and relevant for me. As I was struggling to hold my plank position, body shaking, she says “what doesn’t challenge us doesn’t change us.” I immediately had to stop my workout to write it down because I knew it would be something I’d want to go back to and remind myself later.

Oftentimes, if you’re anything like me, we like to run from opposition. Scientists have found that our brains actually work to try to find “the path of least resistance.” So it’s natural for us to try to steer clear of obstacles or confrontation.

Over the past few years God has really shown me this about myself. You’ve heard of “fight or flight?” Well for me it was “fight AND flight.” 😅 At the sudden sign of confrontation or conflict I’d try to find the quickest emergency exit to evade the hot seat, with my (figurative) arms flailing around.

The Challenge...

One area this became very apparent was my marriage. If I’m being honest, there have been so many moments where my husband has come to me vulnerably, expressing his heart about something I said or did (or didn’t do), and how it affected him in some way. Rather than hearing him out humbly, for the purpose of growth and connection, I fell into fight or flight mode. I completely went into defending myself vs. hearing his heart, taking responsibility for my actions and addressing the actual issue at hand.

Instead of remaining humble and teachable, my pride took over and I just couldn’t accept that I actually hurt him the way he said I did, because it wasn’t my INTENTION. I exalted my intentions over my actions and he left so many conversations feeling unheard and alone. OUCH. 🤕😭 I don’t ever want to make the man God made for me feel that way.

It really hindered our connection, friendship and emotional intimacy and I felt like we were constantly on opposite sides of a wall, trying to make a connection that could never happen until I was truly willing to drop my guards, override the knee jerk response to combat and defend myself, remain humble and teachable, and remember that he’s not trying to fight or hurt me. Ultimately our goal is the same. To love each other better today than yesterday. The way Christ loves us.

Thus the challenge/confrontation, became the catalyst for change.

The Perspective Funnel...

In this process of confronting and changing these stubborn areas within my character, here are a couple things I’ve learned…

1. Perspective is everything…
When I get triggered into fight or flight mode, it’s usually because my perspective of a situation is based in fear, doubt or insecurity, rather than confidence, boldness and strength. I’ve found that when I start my day with affirmations that build up my soul and spirit to equip myself for whatever the day throws my way, I handle opposition and confrontation with a much cooler head.

Also, on the topic of perspective, there are really only 2 options for where it’s rooted. Positivity or negativity. I see perspective like a funnel at the top of my head; whatever enters through the top of that funnel will get filtered through either a positive or negative perspective, and that will ultimately produce a corresponding response in my mind, words, actions and even my physical health. I’ve had enough “negative funnel” days to know that I much prefer how I feel and handle things (mentally, emotionally, physically AND spiritually), when I choose a positive perspective over a negative one.

So now, if i feel like I’m getting overwhelmed, I remind myself to take a breath, collect myself and know that this situation could either produce MORE fear, doubt & insecurity, or it could actually produce more confidence, boldness and strength. At the end of the day, the funnel I choose is always up to me. It’s always up to you. We may not be able to control what comes at us, but we are always in control of how we respond to it and how we let it affect us.

The Right Heart Posture...

2. This is probably the more important of the 2 lessons for me to this day…Maintain a heart posture that is teachable and WANTS to grow. Remaining in a place of inquiry, intrigue and humility. My whole life I’ve always pegged myself as someone who is incredibly humble but somewhere along the way, most likely as a result of my experiences and successes, a certain level of pride was produced and every now and again it likes to try to dominate my humility.

In those conversations with Joshua, I wasn’t even able to hear the real truth in what he was saying because the story I told myself (rooted in pride), spoke so much louder in my head. It takes so much effort for me to not get defensive but I’ve learned that with intentionalism it’s possible. This hasn’t been an overnight success by any means. It’s still a work in progress but I’m so thankful to have the awareness of it so I can take the proper steps for change, growth and connection.

Choose Wisely...

So if I could leave you with anything it’s this…”what doesn’t challenge us, doesn’t change us.” And I wholeheartedly believe that it’s vital for our success in life and love, to not only be open to change but to desire and embrace it. To consistently and intentionally seek out ways to grow and better ourselves, for those we love and for ourselves. Especially through life’s challenges.

The choice is yours friends. Choose your funnel wisely. 😉

Drop a comment below and let me know your thoughts!

Love & Light ✨
Hannah